MY L33t blog

Liberate the Sheep or eat Mutton.

Monday, December 26, 2005

My Fucking Head Hurts.....

I want to know what it feels like to smash your face in to the steering wheel of your car whilst it crash's at 70 mph in to a wall.

Life is shit it's probably going to stay that way.

Life will be always be shit, I can't expect anything better.

So fuck the foreplay.

I want to be God's crash test dummy

Wish I had a fucking driving license.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Why I hate paki medics......

This applies to Paki/Indian Medics only

Medic: So what course you do?

ME: Molecular Biology

Medic: Ok......isn't everyone who does Biomedical Science a Medic wannabe?

ME: It's Molecular Biology......

Medic: Oh yeh I was thinking of Pete* (Pete* is right next to him)

Me : Actually i'm even changing my degree to Arabic next year.

Medic: Why what's the point you can never get a job out of it

Me: ...........................................

Me: You got something on your chin *points to cheek*

Medic: *Feels cheek*

Me: Retard

The medics very closed mind cannot conjure any more conversation topics and the conversation dies.

* Pete is not his real name.

There's only one medical student or future medical student I like rest assured all others suck.

They look down on you if you're a non Medic, cept if you're a Dentist, if you are then they'll have some gay pseudo macho rivalry going on with you. Where this superiority complex come from, Allah only knows. I'll never see the good in being a a 32 year old Balding Pakistani newly qualified virgin doctor.

You can't really blame them, their parents tell them that the only way they're ever going to marry their pretty cousin is by spending years in Medical School. I suppose people like me are are what Paki kids are told not to be like.

Gay medics aside, I was asked to lead a jamaat at Ambrose mosque today, not the main jamaat of course but the ones you get for all the late people, It was maghrib aswell so I had to pray aloud. There were like 7 people behind me, I can't describe how unconfortable I felt. I think the fact that I haven't shaved in like 8 days and have a millitary jacket fooled people in to think I was religious enough, either that or maybe cos I was the tallest there, 5'11 (*dusts shoulders*).

Hoe stopped calling me, which is a relief, I never imagined my self rejecting a hoe but there's a first time for everything, at least I've had the oppurtunity to turn down a hoe. Some brothers have never faced that temptation, in the words of one pious sister 'It's cos they're 5'2, they have no choice but to be pious'. Mashallah.

I also miss my little brother and Sis, it's sad having no one to feel big brotherly over. And great thing is they do whatever you tell them to, I'd be like Soheb go get me my watch, then he'd spend ages looking for it, fearing violent retribution should he fail, then he comes down all worried and my watch happens to be behind me or something.......I miss that, that was awesome.

I hate nostalgia................... Isha time niggas.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Origins of awesomeness,

Yesterday night I was thinking about how enlightened I am, I am pretty awesome and sometimes I take some time out from my busy schedule (Msn, walking up and down Wilmslow road etc) to reflect on the qualities Allah (that's God for you dirty infidels) has bestowed upon me. I began to enquire about the origins of my awesomeness, and I think I can just about pinpoint the exact moment where I started to become an enlightened Zen Master.

I used to work as a data entry clerk, they give shitty jobs respectable names, for reasons unknown. Basically some guy/girl scans a document in to the network, it then appears on my screen, and I type it out. You look at your screen , you type what you see. The forms were tax refund forms from the Inland revenue, you'd look out for the muslim names or names that sound like swear words, you got the odd Vanka, you got the odd Focker. This becomes routine for the next 6 weeks, 5 hours a day, 5 days a week. 6x5x5 is 150 hours.

In the background, deadlines approach, 3 weeks become 3 days which become 3 hours, which becomes a week extension when your teacher takes pity on you.

You work hard and eventually you meet your deadline only for another one to be set, you work harder, finish it quicker and then again another deadline is set, the cycle continues. Unbeknown to you the 'end' switch is staring right at you, it's that little glimmer in the back of your head, you could see it clearly if your fat Indian workaholic boss would move his ass.

Growing up you're told anything is possible with hard work, this is one of those white lies people can wash their hands of when it doesn't materialise. You see for Raqueeb entering 15,000 characters in a hour was possible, however when it came to running across the office without gasping for air things got harder, infact impossible.

It is at this moment staring at his belly drooping over his belt that you realise; 'someones been feeding me a hell lot of bullshit'. The end switch seems alot closer, and you realise that you weren't meant to go the direction everyone else was going, that even sheep can stray. You say 'fuck it' you flick the switch..........................

And here I am bored shitless. Do I have any regrets? Fuck no.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

When i'm old.....

Once upon a time, old men would gather in parks and talk about their war stories , talk about the time they nearly died and the comrades they lost. When i'm an old man, old people will have nothing to talk about cept the time that time they handed their peformance review an hour late or that time they missed out on a promotion. They'll wish they had done something more fulfillng in their lives.

They would give anything to go back in time and go back to when they were young, when they could run, climb, stay hard for more than 3 seconds (apologies for vulgarity).

I am an old man, I have been given a second chance, my final chance, no way am I wasting my youth working jobs I hate so I can buy shit i don't need ( Thanks Tyler) .

Each of us has nothing to lose, everything to gain, the shitty environment in which you're raised keeps you content with averageness, while some fat ass capitalist milks you of your youth, health and potential.

It's sad how many of you will die having never lived.